More Articles from Paddy Murray

It's time for ref justice

SHAMBLES: Old FirmI HAVE said before that I came to the conclusion at age seven, that all referees were f***in' eejits and that nothing in the intervening 50 years has served to change my mind.

Two more this week. The eejit who reffed the Old Firm game last Sunday and the twit who reffed us against Brazil.

Why not make thise gobdaws watch videos of the games and g ive them 10,000 volts for every mistake.

Should improve things

MIND you, if referees are idiots, they have good company in judges.

The European Court of Justice has ruled that Ireland cannot have a minimum price for tobacco. They'd prefer cheap fags all over the place with the population succumbing to lung cancer. It is clear that common sense and judges are strangers.

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Age old problem

CASH: Charlie McCreevyEXCELLENT idea. No pensions until we're all 68. Brilliant.

While you're nodding your head in agreement, ponder this list.

Frank Fahey (58) current pension on top of his Dail salary: €41,846.

Charlie McCreevy, (60) current pension on top whatever else he's getting: €70,710.

Maire Geoghegan Quinn (60) current pension on top of EU salary: €60,811.

Bertie Ahern (58) current pension on top of Dail salary, the local lotto and all his secret dosh: €110,000+.

And they're just samples...

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Paddy Murray

Every Sunday is Paddy's Day

UNION LEADERS BEGGAR BELIEF

Why can't they go on strike and give us a break?

SHOW STOPPER: David BeggI DON'T know how much money RTE spends wheeling David Begg in and out of the place for interviews.

It seems to me, that there's a public service union leader being interviewed somewhere on RTE about every ten minutes.

So let's cut out all the nonsense and go the whole hog.

Show Brendan O'Connor may very well be doing a grand job on Saturday nights.

But I'm afraid he has to go.

DAVID: Hello and welcome to the David Begg Show.

What a great week it's been. Lots of chaos. Dole offices closed, people can't get passports, nobody answering phones in hospitals.

Anyway, enough of the funny banter...

... tonight my guests are - all the way from IMPACT it's Peter McCloone.

(Limp applause.)

He'll be telling us all about his latest plans for industrial action.

And Mr Smoothie himself, Liam Doran, 'the nurses' favourite' on how he's going to strangle our health service.

(A couple of boos.)

We'll be having a bit of a laugh with Ireland's favourite funny man - yes, it's Jack O'Connor.

(A muffled titter.)

And later, music from the SIPTU brass band which will be playing The Internationale. Again.

But first, here's Hair Bloran with his new single: When do we want it, we want it now? Over to you Hair.

Eh, sorry.There seems to be some kind of interruption. They must think I'm Pat Kenny.

Strike

What's going on?

What do you mean the cameramen and sound crew are all going on strike?

Why?

Can nobody talk to these people?

This is outrageous. An affront to the decent people of Ireland.

Where are the guards? On strike too? God help us all.

CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: We apologise for the break in transmission. Meanwhile here's some music....oh, sorry.

The musicians are on strike...

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WE NEED A LIL' ACTION

WHERE’S THE LOVE: Lily Allen is in a war of words with the  always controversial CourtneyWE HAVE some wonderful female singers in this country.

Think Julie Feeney, Roberta Howett, Luan Parle, Vyvienne Long, Imelda May, Laura Izibor, Lisa Hannigan. They're just the tip of an immense ice berg.

And I haven't even begun to list those successful female singers of long standing.

Mary Coughlan, Mary Black, Frances Black, Eleanor McEvoy, Sinead O'Connor, Enya.... there are just too many to name them all.

But. There's always a 'but'. Something's missing.

Why can't we have just two like Courtney Love and Lily Allen?

They're having great craic at the moment.

Courtney threw a hissy when she believed that Lily had 'locked' dresses from the Chanel collection for the Brit awards.

They had a stand-up.

Then Courtney (inset) tweeted: 'She's on a diet of Haterade and cat hiss and self-loathing."

To which Lily replied: "As a rule, I don't pick on crazy old ladies."

She also said: "I think she is in trouble and in need of help."

Come on Julie?

Roberta?

Sinead even?

Anyone?

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