UNION LEADERS BEGGAR BELIEF
Why can't they go on strike and give us a break?
I DON'T know how much money RTE spends wheeling David Begg in and out of the place for interviews.
It seems to me, that there's a public service union leader being interviewed somewhere on RTE about every ten minutes.
So let's cut out all the nonsense and go the whole hog.
Show Brendan O'Connor may very well be doing a grand job on Saturday nights.
But I'm afraid he has to go.
DAVID: Hello and welcome to the David Begg Show.
What a great week it's been. Lots of chaos. Dole offices closed, people can't get passports, nobody answering phones in hospitals.
Anyway, enough of the funny banter...
... tonight my guests are - all the way from IMPACT it's Peter McCloone.
(Limp applause.)
He'll be telling us all about his latest plans for industrial action.
And Mr Smoothie himself, Liam Doran, 'the nurses' favourite' on how he's going to strangle our health service.
(A couple of boos.)
We'll be having a bit of a laugh with Ireland's favourite funny man - yes, it's Jack O'Connor.
(A muffled titter.)
And later, music from the SIPTU brass band which will be playing The Internationale. Again.
But first, here's Hair Bloran with his new single: When do we want it, we want it now? Over to you Hair.
Eh, sorry.There seems to be some kind of interruption. They must think I'm Pat Kenny.
Strike
What's going on?
What do you mean the cameramen and sound crew are all going on strike?
Why?
Can nobody talk to these people?
This is outrageous. An affront to the decent people of Ireland.
Where are the guards? On strike too? God help us all.
CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: We apologise for the break in transmission. Meanwhile here's some music....oh, sorry.
The musicians are on strike...
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WE NEED A LIL' ACTION
WE HAVE some wonderful female singers in this country.
Think Julie Feeney, Roberta Howett, Luan Parle, Vyvienne Long, Imelda May, Laura Izibor, Lisa Hannigan. They're just the tip of an immense ice berg.
And I haven't even begun to list those successful female singers of long standing.
Mary Coughlan, Mary Black, Frances Black, Eleanor McEvoy, Sinead O'Connor, Enya.... there are just too many to name them all.
But. There's always a 'but'. Something's missing.
Why can't we have just two like Courtney Love and Lily Allen?
They're having great craic at the moment.
Courtney threw a hissy when she believed that Lily had 'locked' dresses from the Chanel collection for the Brit awards.
They had a stand-up.
Then Courtney (inset) tweeted: 'She's on a diet of Haterade and cat hiss and self-loathing."
To which Lily replied: "As a rule, I don't pick on crazy old ladies."
She also said: "I think she is in trouble and in need of help."
Come on Julie?
Roberta?
Sinead even?
Anyone?
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I HAVE said before that I came to the conclusion at age seven, that all referees were f***in' eejits and that nothing in the intervening 50 years has served to change my mind.
EXCELLENT idea. No pensions until we're all 68. Brilliant.