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KEEP THE FIRE BURNING

Romance is the bedrock for all happy families

I HAVEN'T a clue how many weddings I have officiated at.

It's easily 1200 plus and probably many more.

As an enthusiastic young priest I remember keeping count of the weddings I did in one year.

I was the celebrant at 189 weddings in 12 months. I got turkey and ham 188 times.The other one was lamb.

I always try to design the wedding to suit each couple. I have to do so within the limits of both State and Church. But I encourage the couple to be as involved as possible. In the vast majority of cases, the couple get really involved and inevitably admit that the Church service was the most memorable part of the day.

Respect

When I am asked to preach during the service, I usually begin by apologising that I am now a rather old, but reluctant, bachelor.

Therefore they should take what I have to say about marriage with a large grain of salt.

I then tell them that from my observations of countless families, some of whom stay together and many of whom fall apart, I am convinced the basis of all relationships is respect.

The couple, in my opinion, should put their marriage first, concentrate on building up their relationship and make sure nothing comes between them and the love they have for each other. And I mean nothing, not children; not religion; not career.

And especially not the pressures of money. I am a great believer in the axiom, "If you want to be a good parent, love your spouse."

In real life it is easier said than done. Now I see that this issue is raised in several new books, most notably David Code's To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First.

He says children who receive too much attention from over anxious 'helicopter parents,' who are always hovering over them, will end up demanding and dissatisfied.

Code is a family therapist. He says children should be given the freedom to find their own path in life and parents could use their
energy better by focusing on having a fulfilled marriage.

Code argues, "Today's number one myth about parenting is that the more attention we give our kids, the better they will turn out."

This is where Code and I agree. He concludes, "The greatest gift you can give your kids is to have a fulfilling marriage yourself."

So if on this St Valentine's Day you can take advice from a reluctant old bachelor it would be this.

That couples who want to raise happy and successful children, should spend less time striving to be perfect parents and instead strive to be better spouses.

Romance is not dead and this is a good day to put the sparkle back in your marriages and relationships.

Even a disappointed old bachelor knows that.

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