GRAINNE Seoige is going to be the 'Features Editor' for ITV's new morning show this autumn.
British newspapers decided that because Grainne once wore a similar colour dress as host Christine Bleakley that she's the Northern girl's 'double'.
Christine and Grainne both have two eyes and a pair of breasts each but that's about where the similarity ends.
At least Grainne looks like she eats her dinner occasionally.
SO two French footballers are under investigation for having sex with an underage prostitute.
It's good that Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema may be tried for their alleged crimes.
Now, is there any chance that they and the rest of the French football team could be investigated for screwing an entire young nation last November?
A REPORT out this week shows that hotel prices in Ireland have dropped back to 1999 levels.
And, yet, dozens and dozens of establishments around the country can't seem to attract any customers.
Maybe giving property developers huge tax breaks to build hotels in places that no-one wants to visit wasn't such a good idea after all.
What do you think Mr Cowen?
THE poor people at Morning Ireland.
Every year, summer just sneaks up on them and every year, numbed into a bored and hypnotic state, they fail to see it coming.
They're not really radio show producers you see.
They're actually government employed psychiatrists paid, by the state, to keep us placid and dronelike.
You see, it would be far too obvious not to report that the government, the banks and the unions have bankrupt the country and that
we'll all be, metaphorically, rogered for ever to pay for their incompetence.
Other evil regimes have tried that approach and what, eventually, happens is that people take to the streets, storm important buildings and execute the fat-cat political leaders in very inventive ways.
The secret government Ministry for Public Control has learned from the mistakes of others and has told RTE, and Morning Ireland in particular, to take a different approach.
Every report and guest on Morning Ireland has to pass strict government control standards. If a prospective interviewee shows any
prospect of being interesting they're banned for life.
This means that for nine months of the year we get a steady rotation of people who, tests have shown, are the most boring people on
the island.
They include Jack O'Connor, David Begg, Micheal Martin, John Fitzgerald of the ESRI, Eamon O'Cuiv, Eamon Gilmore, Alan Shatter, the winner of the Young Scientist competition and any number of RTE's own correspondents, especially Environment correspondent Paul Cunningham who is on constant standby just in case anything interesting slips through by accident.
Not having any kind of 'jokes' would be very suspicious so they chuck a few in. They have established that a 'humorous exchange' between Aine Lawlor and Des Cahill is, officially, the least amusing thing in the world.
This has become the benchmark and all 'jokes' are measured against it.
But there's a problem.
The Dail goes on holidays for half the year. This means RTE can't do what it usually does which is to select the most inane comment
made in the national parliament the previous day and invite some union leaders on to criticise it.
Instead, it's wall to wall NAMA. And that just lulls us into a trance once more.
But in years to come, we can't say we weren't told In Ireland everything is hidden in full view.
