ON the subject of God, the Bishop of Ferns is having a whiparound to pay child sex abuse victims.
That's just lovely. How will that work?
"Now we're passing around the collection plate to pay for my expenses and there's another one going around to pay off the children buggered by one of my predecessors."
Bertie is big into his Beatitudes, maybe he'd give them a digout after his lottery win.
MEANWHILE, the Gardai are making great progress in their most important national case.
They're seizing phone records and threatening arrests in their bid to find out how a newspaper got hold of Trevor Sargent's letter to a cop.
This is the letter that Trevor Sargent admits shouldn't have been sent and that he says was probably unlawful.
Good stuff. Arrest the fellas who report on the law being broken, that's an interesting tactic.
THERE is no God.
Or if there is then he's got a messed up sense of humour.
There's no such thing as karma either, so you hippy and 'spiritual' freaks out there can stop being so smug.
If there was a God or an Allah or an Apollo or a Thor or whatever you want to call him good things wouldn't necessarily happen all the time.We get that.
Bad things like plane crashes and hurricanes and earthquakes would still occur.That's okay.
No self-respecting God, however, would even consider allowing what happened this week to pass.
If you're going to have a long and successful career as a god, it's absolutely vital that slithery, stuttering, stammering, mouth-breathing morons are not rewarded for being tossers.
So, it's safe to say, that a lot of us lost whatever last little bit of faith we might have had when we saw the big newspaper headline this
week: BERTIE WINS THE LOTTO.
Okay, it turned out that he picked up ten grand in a raffle rather than millions in the big draw, but that's not really the point God is it?
It was a raffle in the Beaumont House - the same location where, in 1994, Bertie got a 'dig-out' of more than €20,000 (shortly after
getting a dig-out of more than €10,000 in Manchester).
These dig-outs came at a time when Bertie had the free use of an apartment, a massive Ministerial salary, a chauffeur-driven Merc as well as savings in AIB and the Irish Permanent of almost €100,000.
Today, Bertie has a Dáil salary of more than €100,000 a year, a pension of more than €100,000 a year which he's already collecting, a chauffeur driven Merc for life and the tax-free moolah from his memoirs (a remarkable book from the man who can't remember anything).
He is directly responsible for putting hundreds of thousands of people on to the dole queues and ruining lives from Donegal to Wexford.
He has the intellectual capacity of a seven-year-old child and about as much charm.
Yet, you God decided that it should be his ticket, which should be pulled out of the hat in the Beaumont House last week.
Bertie reacted with his usual class when he revealed that he was going to use the money to "pay a few bills and have a few pints."
You've a lot to answer for God.
Trevor Sargent got an unexpected €47,000 last week and gave every last cent of it to the St Vincent de Paul (that would be a charity named after one of your saints, they help poor people - but you probably already know that).
Bertie got €10,000 and announced that he was going to drink it.
Here's a crazy idea God: Could you not have allowed Trevor to win the Lotto. He probably would have given it to charity and made lots of people happy.
Bertie winning the Lotto just made a pile of us very angry.
Grow up God. You're not as funny as you think you are.
FAKE LESBO WATCH #3129: Amanda Seyfried is appearing in a new movie where she snogs Liam Neeson and his on-screen wife Julianne Moore.
Amanda has some form. She kissed Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body.
Isn't it amazing how we hear about women kissing other women so far in advance of a movie coming out?
