20100725_BOY006_e1_NWSNorth 16/07/2010 13:58 Page 6 Martina DEVLIN EST advice I ever received? Put an elastic band on your wrist and every time you dwell on the past, snap that baby hard. Shock yourself out of wallowing. Because no good can come of it. We all do it from time to time: brood on the what-ifs and might-have-beens. It keeps us stuck in reverse instead of moving forward. I know life can't always be onwards and upwards, like a relentlessly upbeat film script, but these negative emotions sap mental energy and corrode happiness. Regrets, finger-pointing, and labouring under a sense of victimisation are a dead end. Fretting about the past interferes with the present. It ties us up in knots. And really, the present is all there is. Everyone knows there's no use crying over spilled milk but we can't help doing it sometimes. Nasty memories have a tendency to linger. But we don't have to wallow in them. When you feel one coming down the track, take diversionary action. Snap that baby hard. Everyone has events they wish hadn't happened, episodes they'd prefer to have turned out differently, opportunities they missed, words they'd like to take back, times they felt hard done by, or occasions where they could have behaved better. But these are all part of the learning curve ­ both about the world we live in, and the people we are. Where possible, make amends to those you have wronged. Forgive those who have wronged you ­ or at least put it aside. And move on. I'm not saying never look back. Sometimes it's necessary, to work out how we went astray or how our expectations failed to mesh with reality. But don't relive it. There's a difference between being con- swmag@sundayworld.com B IF WE SPEND OUR LIVES WORRYING AND REGRETTING THE PAST, WE WILL NEVER EMBRACE THE PRESENT OR PLAN FOR THE FUTURE sumed by something and taking a lesson from it. The problem is that not everyone is adept at letting negative experiences roll off. Some people let events from the past take over their lives ­ like Miss Havisham in Dickens' Great Expectations, who was jilted and ever after stayed dressed in her disintegrating bridal gown, the wedding cake crumbling beside her. This clinging to the past, especially when it concerns unhappy memories, is a drawback. However, it's one we can control, the same way we can stop ourselves biting our nails or saying `like' twice in every sentence. Look, we all make mistakes or have unpleasant things happen to us. Sometimes you took a poor decision, made a flawed choice, or maybe you were simply unlucky. You trusted the wrong person, you were overconfident about your abilities, you got your sums wrong, or you were dealt a bad hand. Learn from it and let it go. Try to change the things about yourself that landed you in difficulties in the first place. Beware of your negativities. Another way of saying beware is be aware. Many of them pop into our heads at night when we can't sleep. We've all tossed and turned, wrestling with the pillow, fretting about something we can't change. Snap that baby hard. Distract yourself when it happens ­ get busy. If you're in bed, switch on the light and read. Play soothing music. Watch some TV (I find the film . Grease a failsafe diversion.) If you're up and about, do something physical ­ go to the gym to work it off. Tackle some housework, gardening or cooking. Ring a friend for a chat. Do someone a favour. The world slides obstacles into all our paths, and everyone trips up occasionally. Holding on to the hurt keeps us passive and powerless. We allow ourselves to be victims. But we have a choice about feeling this way. Snap that baby hard. 6 The mag